All I Really Need to Know I Learned ... From A Truck Driver. People Lessons Learned on 18 Wheels.

While I have a battering intervention curriculum at Relationship Risk Solutions for the men in Beginning Conversations, there are life lessons all around us to supplement the curriculum and engage the men’s various learning styles.

One resource is Robert Fulghum’s book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. But I can’t relate to kindergarten because (old person here) we didn’t even have kindergarten when I was a kid. However, I did have another important non-traditional way to learn life lessons.

My father was a professional driver, experienced with truck rodeos, chauffeuring, stunt driving, and general transport with cars, motorcycles, trucks, and buses. Which means he also knew about people, road rage, and much more.  What I realized later was that his rules for the road turned out to be lessons about life.   

Before you get on the road, Dad said, be prepared for the routine drive and for emergencies. Plan your route for efficiency and safety. Be aware of the other vehicles/people around you, and behave in predictable ways so you don’t confuse or scare others.

If you encounter an accident, provide help. Or stay out of the way when your help is not needed.

You can never assume you have the right-of-way, Dad said.  The driver’s manual instructs you about when to surrender the right-of-way.  But it never says you have the right-of-way.  Then, about the time I was learning to drive, he came home from a long trip with this story. 

 

He was crossing a narrow one-lane bridge with his 18-wheeler when another truck, equally intimidating, pulled onto the bridge and created an impasse.  It was before cell phones or even CB radios, so the other trucker leaned out of his cab and shouted, “I never back up for a stupid (expletive deleted).”   Dad leaned out of his cab and responded, “I always do,” and promptly backed off the bridge.”  

He advised us to always back up for the other driver -- without anger, rancor, or doubt that it’s the right thing to do.  I’ve learned since then that his story was apocryphal, but I remember it whenever I encounter a bully on the road – or in any setting.  When you drive or live with this philosophy, you just don’t experience “road rage.”  Backing up for a bully - or anyone - is always the safest thing to do, and safety is always more important than any other point you’d like to make.

He taught another life lesson as we approached a traffic light.  When the light turns amber as you approach, you have to make a quick decision about whether to step on the accelerator and go on through or hit the brake and stop.  Dad’s advice was simple.  If you can go through without changing how fast you are moving forward, it’s probably safest to do that.  But if you have to make a change, i.e. move your foot to increase pressure on the accelerator to continue where you’re going, move it to the brake instead.  It’s probably safest to stop.  

This was the chance to learn to slow down at a point where many people forge ahead full-speed.  After a while it becomes automatic to slow down.  Then it’s a simple transition to see amber lights in other settings, and it’s easier to slow down.  Learning to slow down, counter to an inclination to press on full-speed, is an important and valuable life-skill.

Dad ended every driving lesson with, “Now get out before you upset it.”  My sister and brothers and I all taught our children to drive with the same admonition.  Know when you’ve done enough.  Stop before you do damage.

And finally, Dad said to take care of the car.  Routine maintenance can prevent a crisis later.  Some things you can do yourself.  Sometimes you have to go to an expert mechanic at a garage  People deserve at least the same care you would give a car. Pay attention to how you’re operating.  Safety is paramount. Do routine maintenance. 

And see an expert (counselor) when necessary.

-  inspired by Dale A. Sprenkle, as told to Juanita, Cinny, Dale, and Chuck